Love scares a lot, especially when one has been hurt severally. Women easily tend to build walls and the walls toughen up, with women who have children involved. These women (Single moms) have beautiful souls but breaking through the walls needs more patience.
A friend once asked for advice on how to get the woman He fell for who happened to have a child from a previous relationship. I am certain many men wonder the same thing on how they get to redeem their love to such type of a woman. Well, wonder no further, just read through, practice and let your love journey blossom.
Have a firm Character
Your character will make or break the level of respect that you get from a single mom. If you look like a quitter, she wouldn’t trust the words you say. She is a single parent because someone somewhere chickened out. She took the bold step and accepted the role. Your cowardice will just be an alert that you will be there temporarily the take to the hills. She won’t tolerate that at all. You have to be bold and confident. Don’t be shaken by her dominance. Once you show signs that you can easily lead a house, like a man in charge, she’ll submit and let you lead.
Be honest and open
They say honesty is the best policy. Just abide by it. It’s a simple rule that really you can’t afford to break. She may like you, or even head over heels with you, but, if you aren’t honest, you lose a chance with her! Just imagine, if she walked away for the other guy, who actually sired her child, what makes you think you stand a chance of being entertained for being dishonest?
Be straightforward with your intentions to her
If you want a relationship, let her know. If you want a situationship, let her know. If you want to be a just friend, please say it right from the start! Don’t go around mixing your words and actions. Choose your path, stick to the lane and act like it! Let her know from the word go how you feel about her, and how you would want to relate with her. Give her a chance to choose if she’s ok with your proposition. Work with the answer she’ll give you and work on yourself to live by it. She’ll respect you for it. Even if she rejects you, at least you will have earned her respect. You just never know, she may turn around and accept your proposition.
Be patient with her on building trust
She has been heartbroken before. Most of them have forgiven but they don’t forget easily. They may have walls put up just to protect themselves from this ugly world. It takes time to build a trust with a beautiful person who has a broken soul. Picking up the pieces and building something new requires patience. Give her the time to learn to trust you, and trust me, it will be worth the wait.
Be emotionally available
Most times the society assumes that the single moms have it all under their sleeves. That ain’t all true. From outward, they portray picture of being strong and independent. That’s because they have to. They have no one to lean on and talk to. No man is an island. Everyone needs someone to talk to once in a while, even if it’s just about the weather. Take up the opportunity, ask her about her day, her view on some interesting topic. Importantly, ask her about how she is, be interested to listen to her. Let her spill what’s running in her mind. Encourage her to share her dreams and goals, and tell her yours too. Once she trusts you, you’ll be surprised how much she has in mind. This is a therapy that every single parent wants and desires, ‘To have an adult conversation, with an adult’.
Understand that she has set her priorities right
Her child will always, I repeat, always be her first priority. If you want to compete with that, well; Good luck. A single parent is both a pillar and foundation of her home. She has a focus to build her home. She has goals to achieve and finances to build. All she desires is to bring comfort and joy to her home. If you come in looking for fun, expecting her to sacrifice her world just for you to waste her precious time, well, just walk. For her to assimilate you into her schedule, routine and life, you have to prove that you are worth it. She may start with a 1-hour date a week, or simple texts and calls here and there. Sometimes she may have to cancel plans last minute just to settle a need that requires her to be there for her child. Don’t be pushed off, and don’t push her. Be understanding and creative. Eventually, she’ll make some changes in her routine to accommodate you. Don’t go with expectations, instead go with ambitions and your A-game.
Communicate openly of how you feel about the child
Let’s start with the category that just wants to date and marry the mom and want nothing to do with the child. Yes, they exist! Just tell her from day one, with reasons why you want to be with her and nothing to do with her child. She’ll give you an appropriate response of whether to stay or leave.
For those who you want to stay and take up the whole package {Mother and child(ren)}; Trust me, she understands that it is not easy to blend family. Whether you are a first time dad, or already have a child, it takes dedication, honest communication and courage to blend. Remember she already has her way of parenting; you have yours (or maybe an idea or no clue at all) of how to father a child. When you talk to her you will come to a common ground on how you guys will lead your new family from this point onwards. Be open to try out new routines and levels, parenting is fun after all.
Understand her independence
Let’s note, before you, she already had her family going on. After you, she’ll still go on. Don’t feel pressured to stay just because you think you are doing her a favor. Nobody forces you to stay. She’ll never force you to be a father to her child. Know that even without your availability, she’ll survive, because, she’s done it (doing it) and she’s strong. You two may have talked about it, now your actions will win you passage to actually meet the child or even spend time with the child. It is until she trusts you and believes you’ll stay, is when she’ll get comfortable to introduce you to her child. No mother wants to confuse her child with cocktail of men. She needs the assurance, through your actions, that you’ll stay with her in the long run. Learn the child and develop a fresh bond with the child, some children may take longer to embrace you. Be a friend first before a guardian. Just don’t push them to accept you from first encounter.
Love and respect her genuinely
Before all titles, she is a woman. All women need to be loved and cherished. Respect her and treat her right. Be her man, and stand by her. Show her love, embrace her, make her your queen. Protect her from the world, be her anchor. Spoil her with your love, she’ll see your need in her life. Bring out the child in her, and show your vulnerability too. She will warm up to you will love you back. Remember, she can easily smell pretense from a distance. Don’t you think of ever mistreating her or using her child as a weapon. No matter what level of love, the moment you act as if you are doing her a favor, she’ll leave you. Yes, she’ll hurt, but she’ll survive because she is strong. Where true love blossoms, you will have your happy ever after.
It’s never about Sex! Who said she isn’t sorted?!
If you are going to approach a single woman or a single mom with the sex card, forget about it! Whoever put the notion that Single moms are sexually starved or needy, clearly had no clue what they are talking about. Many women can live without having sex for very long periods and they are fine! Some women have even embraced dildos, for self-pleasure. There are some who have their personal means of pleasure. So, don’t you ever think she needs your D*#& or money! If that’s your goal, then get a whore! Let sex come as a benefit of the relationship, when she feels it’s the right time. Right time means, if she chooses to abstain until after marriage, you better run with that word. Just because she’s not a virgin, doesn’t give you a key to want to lay her when you feel the need. Secondary virginity is possible. Let her dignity prevail.
Here are some more reasons of why you should date a single mom.
Guys: All the best as you embrace your woman. Also do drop more questions or other tips that worked for you
Ladies: Do let me know what other things the guys should know as they approach you at the comment section below.
